Why does my partner not want to have sex anymore?


Relationship problems:

In the beginning of a relationship there will always be attraction and excitement, as time goes by and daily life starts to take over with all its ups and downs it is easy to forget what brought you and your partner together in the first place. Loss of libido is sometimes simply related to relationship issues and can be resolved, some of the reasons behind loss of libido could be:


  • Being in a long term relationship and having daily routines taking priority thus not putting in time and effort into each other. Try having a date night, put off the TV, dim the lights and put on some sexy music. Open a bottle of wine and take it from there…
  • Loss of sexual attraction, this could be that one partner or both are feeling as confident in themselves as they used to be. Perhaps try some sexy lingerie or dress up for the occasion.
  • Constant arguments and conflict. Set aside some time without any disturbances and discuss and talk to each other. If talking results in arguments, then seeking help from a couples counsellor might be the next step
  • Poor communication, put down the mobile phone and switch off the TV and TALK!
  • Not trusting one another


Depression, stress, exhaustion:

Depression is a very real and very serious condition that will affect your life on all levels including your sex life. Nowadays everyone deals with very stressful and exhausting times and this in itself will affect your libido in some way or another.  You or your partner may not know if either of you are suffering from depression, please speak to your health care provider if you have any of these symptoms and get the help you need.


Signs of depression:

  • Continuous low mood or sadness, Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
  • Appetite or weight changes
  • Anger and irritability
  • Tearful, guilt-ridden, low self-esteem
  • Having no motivation or interest in things, including sex


Stress and Exhaustion:

Stress is not just a word they use when you are overworked, stress can take over your whole body and has a whole range of symptoms:


Aches and pains

Diarrhea or constipation

Nausea, dizziness

Chest pain, rapid heart rate

Loss of sex drive

Frequent colds or flu


Nowadays there are so many reasons why we have stress and exhaustion:

* Working long hours without sufficient breaks

* Caring for young children or elderly can be very exhausting and take a toll

* Financial, work or study stress can add to loss of libido

Understanding what is causing your stress and learning to manage it will help to relieve your levels of stress.


Age has an effect on the libido on both men and women:

As we all get older so do our bodies, so with both men and women sometimes we produce lower levels of sex hormones. Men produce less testosterone and women produce less estrogen and testosterone.

There are also age-related health and mobility problems and off course side-effects of the medicines we take.


Pregnancy and Child birth:

When women are pregnant their bodies go through a major change and once giving birth and breastfeeding it affects them in many ways:

  • Changes in hormone levels will result in a decrease in libido
  • Looking after a baby 24/7 is something that takes a toll on any person and therefore the exhaustion that kicks in can ultimately affect a once very active sex life
  •  After child birth it takes a while for a woman to feel confident in the way she looks again, sometimes she might have scarring and weight gain that might not make her feel as sexy as she once did


Lifestyle choices:

Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol has a major effect on your sexual performance, thus adjusting how much you drink can have a huge impact on your sex life. Narcotics in any form will affect your body negatively, so avoiding these are best.


Medicines can affect libido of men and women:

Hormonal contraception such as the pill, patch, injection and implant can reduce a woman's libido     due to the hormones being released into the body.

  • Many types of antidepressants cause loss of libido
  • Medicine for High blood pressure can cause loss of libido
  • Medicine for seizures can cause loss of libido
  • Medicine for prostate cancer can cause loss of libido

So, when taking medicine check the leaflet to see if low libido is listed as a possible side effect


Pain during sex:

Sometimes a partner can withdraw from sex altogether and this can be due to pain during sex, there are many circumstances relating to pain during sex:

  • Vaginal dryness-When the vagina is very dry and becomes sore and itchy during intercourse.
  • Painful Sex-There are various conditions that could cause painful sex such as thrush, fibroids, endometriosis, constipation, vaginismus - a condition where muscles in or around the vagina shut tightly, making sex painful or impossible
  • Stomach issues such as constipation, diarrhea, stomach ulcers, when engaging in sex a lot of movement and pressure is applied to the stomach and when the stomach is not well it can be a very uncomfortable experience.


Medical diseases:

Many nonsexual diseases can affect sex drive, including arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease and neurological diseases. Discuss this with your partner and have them understand what your symptoms are, compassion and understanding goes along way.

There are days you might not feel up to having sex, but there might be days that you feel great. Also discuss it with your health care provider, they can give you advice on the best approach.


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